THE SEX QUESTION – My girlfriend starts to cry when we make love, how can I explain it?

The hormonal discharge that orgasm releases can cause unexpected reactions, such as tears, which in this case are usually the expression of very intense joy. But when these come to flow during the act, they can be the symptom of a real discomfort. In the show Without an appointment on Europe 1, the sexologist and psychiatrist Catherine Blanc responds to a listener who is worried about seeing his girlfriend cry during their lovemaking, even if the latter assures him that it is only a manifestation of his pleasure.

Benoît’s question

“Very regularly, during our sex, my girlfriend starts to cry. She reassures me by telling me that it is tears of joy, of ecstasy, but it makes me really uncomfortable. J ‘love your opinion. “

Catherine Blanc’s response

“There are quite curious reactions after sex, or at the time of orgasm. It can be a burst of laughter, or even cry bitterly. It is an emotion that suddenly emerges, in the same way that enjoying one emits sounds that one does not control.Generally, it does not last very long, unless it is an emotion expressing trauma.

And when these tears occur during the act?

When the tears appear during, we are not at all in the expression of an emotional leap. In this case, questions may arise for the partner: am I not hurting him? Isn’t she reliving something painful? Am I participating in something that troubles her?

If there is a letting go during the sexual act, it is not yet the letting go of the orgasm, the moment when the valves are released. Crying before jouissance therefore raises the question of what is at work for it. She hears it as ‘tears of joy’. But perhaps she also needs to sell it like this to reassure her partner and preserve her privacy? We cannot always say what is going on inside us, and sometimes we protect the other, especially since we do not know very well what is happening to ourselves.

So can these tears reveal something serious, like trauma from strict upbringing or abuse?

Indeed. It can be the awakening of a pain, the fear of what we are doing and which refers to something that we have seen or suffered.

How to react in this kind of situation?

When a woman cries, men are often very upset. They would like to console them with their manly arms so that they stop crying and, in reality, being in the arms of the manly man allows them to let go a little more, and therefore to cry even more. The woman needs to be clear enough with herself that she can talk about it and, if those tears are due to a resurgence of trauma, make that conversation the occasion to sort it out. “